Monday, April 1, 2013

Genetically modified dogs

(April1 1, 2013, St. Louis, MO)  Monsanto has announced today that it has successfully spliced genes from the rabbit (Leporidae Eastrus Bunnyearis) into the domesticated dog (Canis Lupus Familiarus). According to spokesperson Jen Ettick, the genetic modification "corrects a breeding mistake made in the Middle Ages that replaced the pointed ears of wolves with floppy ears that cover the dog's inner ear." According to Ettick, these flaps decreases the hearing of the domesticated dog. "The rabbit was the obvious choice to return proper hearing to man's best friend."

Amid this announcement, there has been widespread panic regarding countless sightings of these genetically modified dogs. Thousands of pictures appeared on Facebook on Easter Sunday, leading to speculation that two of the chimera had escaped Monsanto's labs, and have been, in the words of St. Louis resident Ben T. Oudashape, "f-ing like bunnies".

Widespread sightings of Canis Bunnyearis

Monsanto denies allegations that the widespread appearance of these mutants is anything but a hoax. "At no time was the public in any danger." 

When asked to comment on rumors that Monsanto is working on crossing sheep with a popular 1980's computer programming language for next spring, Ettick replied "I cannot confirm or deny that rumor."
Rumored Pascal Lamb

Happy April Fool's Day!

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