Wednesday, May 22, 2013

My favorite "photon walked into a bar" jokes

It wasn't that long ago that I posted about the fate of four photons: one reflected from the surface of the beer, one passed right through the beer, one was absorbed into the beer, and the last one got scattered. Naturally, that got me thinking about whether I could come up with four golly whumpus knee slappers about the quirky behavior of photons in a bar. I got more than four. A few of these tuned up in Google searches. The rest are original.

An infrared photon walked into a bar and said, "is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

An xray photon walked into a bar. The bartender says, "can I get you something to drink?" The xray photon said, "no, I'm just having a look inside!"

A green photon walked into a bar. The bartender said "you look fluorescent!" The photon turned red, and left.

A pink photon walked into a bar. The bartender knew that pink photons don't exist, so he said, "say... you know... we don't get many pink photons around here..." The pink photon shot back "Not at these prices you won't!"

The bartender was fed up with the revelry of the photons, so he turned out the lights and they were gone.

A photon stopped at the bar and asked if there was a room to rent. The bartender said "Sure thing. Can I take your bag up to your room?" The photon said "no, I am traveling light."

A 450 nanometer photon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why so blue?"

A photon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what'll you have?" The photon says "light beer".

19 comments:

  1. A red, an orange, a yellow, a green, a blue, an indigo, and a violet photon walked into a gay bar...

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  2. A red, an orange, a yellow, a green, a blue, an indigo, and a violet photon walked into a bar. Bartender says "been rainy today... looks like the sun is coming out."

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  3. A 580 nanometer photon walks into a bar. Bartender says "what'll it be?" "Chartreuse".

    (People who don't know one of these three facts won't realize how incredibly hilarious this joke is:

    1. Chartreuse is a yellowish green color.
    2. Chartreuse is a yellowish green liquour that tastes like turpentine.
    3. Light at 580 nm is a yellowish green color.

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  4. A photon walks into a bar. The bartender tries to get his attention and his drink order. After several attempts, the photon says, "I'm sorry. Something's been grating on me, and it has me a little diffracted."

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  5. We don’t allow faster than light photons in here, said the bartender. A photon walks into a bar.

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  6. A neutrino and a photon walk into a bar. And for the next 60nanoseconds the neutrino complains about how dark it is.

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  7. A priest, a rabbi and a photon walk into a bar, and a drunk says, I think I see the Light!"

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  8. A bunch of rowdy photons walk into a bar and one of them says,"Line'em up, Barkeep, we're gettin' polarized!"

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  9. A photon walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I haven’t seen you around as much lately.” The photon says, “Ever since I ran into that phosphor here, my frequency has changed.”

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  10. A photon walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, I ran into Doppler and he said he saw you heading away from here late the other night.” The photon replies, “Yeah… I’ve been working the red shift.”

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  11. One photon asks the other photon, "can we talk for a minute about things in general?"
    The other one say, "sure I'm up for some light discussion."

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  12. Q: What did the red light ray and blue light ray do after they broke out of prism?
    A: They went their separate ways.

    (both of those jokes are my creations)

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  13. A dying photon walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender nods and says, "that one's on the house". The photon says, "ah shucks, I'd love it if you charged"

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  14. A photon walks into a gay bar, asks the bartender "excuse me, do I fit in"? The bartenders says, "I hate to say it pal, but you look pretty straight to me".

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  15. A photon crashes into a bar and orders a drink. A customer whispers, "is he alright?" The bartender says, "don't worry, he just needs a collision to interact here"

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  16. A photon walks into an LA County bar and starts rapping. The bartender says, "My my, it looks like Compton had quite an Effect on you".

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  17. Bad photon joke:
    A photon checks into a swanky 5 star hotel and is asked if he needs help with his bags to which he replies: "no thanks, I'm travelling light". Later that night he flies over to the bar across the street and the priest, rabbi, and buddhist exclaim "ive seen the light!". The photon waves as he goes by. "What'll you have"says the bartender. "a light beer" says the photon. The bartender shakes his head and says "that just aint light". The bouncer then walks over and says "so you can bounce huh? Pfft youre a joke". The photon says "yeah a bad one that can go on forever given enough space and time". zing

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  18. An photon coated with OBA walks into the bar, the bartender turns on the UV light to sanitize beer mug. "...Now you see me..." says the photo.

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