Sunday, April 1, 2018

Scientists discover new astrological sign

NASA scientist Ben Capricorn announced today the discovery of a thirteenth sign of the zodiac, which has been tentatively named Naivius the Confounder. The constellation for this sign differs from all others in that it spans the entire 360 degree sky.

Naivius the Confounder is obvious, once you see it

Dr. Capricorn explained that he was studying anomalies in horoscopes, people who did not match their signs. "I had been pondering a blog post by John the Math Guy which showed that the signs of the zodiac are useless in predicting mathematical genius. It suddenly occurred to me that there must be another celestial influence which has some effects that were not seen by Ptolemy, who codified these laws a millennium or so ago." Dr. Capricorn theorized that the influence must have been from heavenly bodies that were not known at the time of the discovery of astrology.

Dr. Ben Capricorn of NASA's Office of Space

So, Capricorn petitioned NASA for time on the Hubble telescope to peer deeply into the twelve constellations to find occult stars that might explain the anomalies. Simon Rasputin, director of the Government Office of Pseudoscience applauds this effort. "Capricorn's work is far beyond anything that cosmologists have been able to piece together with all their silly-talk about black holes and the red shift and the big bang and all that stuff. It make so much more sense to group stars that are billions of light years apart into constellations [rather than group them according to the groups of stars that are near together and which rotate about a common center of mass.]  Mystical forces are way more better than dumb equations."

Capricorn's theory was proven true. He was able to find minor stars which correspond to each of the anomalous mathematicians who were not Virgos, as all real math guys should be. These minor stars together form the constellation Naivus the Confounder.

This confirmation of Dr. Capricorn's theory is just the start of this momentous task. "I have already applied for a grant to continue this work. For the project, I will investigate the horoscopes of each and every one of the 7.4 billion people on the Earth, and find an occult star among the hundreds of billions of stars to explain why 91.7% of all people don't fit their horoscope. The project is staggering in it's proportions, but the ultimate benefit to humankind is immeasurable."


  1. And a happy April 1st to you too!

    1. Now why would you think this had anything to do with April 1st?!?!!?

    2. An in-depth evaluation of Naivius shows clearly that the celestial centre of horoscopical mass of the stars in Naivius, when resolved by means of inverse DFT, after signal averaging to eliminate the effects of constellationally-induced shifts in the power density spectrum of the astrological energy, leads to a very strong, almost laser-like peak, centred on April's initial day.

  2. I went through your calculation, Lohi. Very astute observation on your part!